Garada wa `Asfur There was a man called "garada", a man called "`asfur" and his sister was called "garada". They had no job, and they were troubled with their life. He asked his sister, "What do we do?" She answered him, "The best way is to go, pretend that: you can tell fortune, and if somebody would come to you, you can just scramble the sand. If he was a youth, you can say to him for example, 'You will marry; you will have a beautiful bride.' If he was an aged man, say to him, 'Some money will come to you, or that he will be happy, and things of that sort.'" So he took this as his career, and he sat down working with it. His place chanced to be beside the king's palace. The king was aware of him. One day while the king was sitting underneath a tree ... there was a locust [garada] on the tree ... a sparrow [`asfur] came to stand on the tree; it stood on top of the locust. The locust and the sparrow got hold of each other, so they fell down into the king's lap. The king hid them and said, "Call that geomancer." They brought the geomancer. The king said to him, "If you are clever, tell me what is in my hand." He became very afraid; the mouse played inside his vest. He thought of who told him about that job; who is going to push him to a disaster then? His sister. He said, "Oh, without you, garada [locust] `Asfur [sparrow] would not have fallen." The king applauded and said to him, "You, geomancer, do not read the sand to anybody but me; from now on, you will stay with me." The king was pleased with the geomancer and said, "We must keep him," and told him, "You must work for me steady." The man became very pleased and satisfied, and they said that things have become very fine. Days passed, they broke into the king's property. They took his box where jewels were kept. The king had no idea whatsoever; he was very sad. He knew that his geomancer could produce it immediately. The king went and said to the geomancer, "The story is such and such. Things have been stolen; you must bring them back quickly." He could not argue so he said to him, "All right, I will go just to see my sister and come back to you and tell you after I have thought of the matter." The king said to him, "All right." He went and told his sister the story; she said to him, "The only solution is that you find yourself a place somewhat far away from the city where we can stay and see what is going to come out of it. If these things are going to show up, all right; if not, we will flee from one country to another. Nobody will recognize us and whatsoever is going to happen, let it happen." He said, "All right." He went to the king and said, "Give me a respite up to forty days." He said to him, "All right." He built up a house for himself on a piece of land that existed out of town. Around these days there was no calendar for them to keep count of days, so he gathered forty stones, and put them beside him. He was afraid! The king spread a rumor that his geomancer was going to get back the stolen jewels. The burglars, forty persons, a band, knew that the geomancer went out there especially to discover them. One of them went there in the morning, at dawn, in order not to be seen. He came beside the window to eavesdrop. Our friend, the geomancer, was unable to sleep all night long. He looked at the forty stones. As soon as the sun rose, he took a stone and said, "The first one of the forty." The stone fell on the thief's head. The thief ran. He said to the rest, "We have come to a disaster! That geomancer as soon as I got there he hit me with a stone and said to me 'The first one of the forty'." The next day, another went. The geomancer again threw out a stone saying, "The second one of the forty." It, too, hit the thief. On the third day, three went. The geomancer threw out a stone saying, "The third of the forty." They went to him and knocked at the door. They said, "We are those who stole the treasury." He said, "Yes, yes, I know you." They said, "If we get you the treasury back, now, will you tell the king about us?" He answered, "Of course." They said, "If we gave you something extra, can't you say that you found it here or there?" He said, "Where is the treasury then?" They said, "The treasury is in such and such a place." He went to the king, and told him that the treasury is to be found in such and such a place. They dug into the ground, and took it out. The king was very pleased, and said to him, "You are a magnificent geomancer; there is nobody like you." After that he made him famous in newspapers. From all other countries people came to him. The world heard of him. Other kings became jealous. They agreed together to test the king of that geomancer. They buried three tins: one of honey, one of milk, and one of tar. They brought the geomancers and said, "There are things buried here in the ground. The clever geomancer is that one who is going to tell what it is." They brought others, who failed. They brought `Asfur. He was very afraid. He wanted to reveal his true personality. So he said to them, "We, our start was milk, our second was honey, but now our last is tar." They applauded. His words happened to be true. The king was very glad, but the other kings were ashamed because their geomancers did not succeed and believed that that geomancer knows everything. He actually does not know anything. The poor Man and His Bean* There was a poor man; he is sitting beside a well and before him [is] a dish of beans; he is eating. While he was eating, a bean fell from him [into the well]. He said [thought], "I must go down the well and get what ...? The bean." So he went down.When he went down in the well to get that bean, he found a city, and a worldunlike the world he was staying [living] in. He kept on going. Whenever he stopped at a shop, I mean a grocery shop, or a clothes shop or anything [any other shop],everybody said .... [Here the informant asked me to turn the machine off to pause for a short while so that she might be able to recall the episode correctly.]Whenever he found a shop, somebody [a customer] was saying [to the s hopkeeper]."Five prayers upon the prophet," He [the shopkeeper] would give the thing. Other stores, for example, for twenty prayers upon the prophet is a suit[??]. So he said to you [an idiom meaning 'he though'], "This is a very great country; why don't I do likethat ... like they do; that it great."He said [to himself], "By, Allah, I will go first to eat." Instead of his saying, forexample, "[Give me food] for five prayers upon the prophet." No!! He increased it [hebought] with ten prayers upon the prophet; [just] for abundance -- of course greed wasin him. They gave to him [meaning they sold him food] for that much. Whatsoever things he wants he would say, "So many prayers upon the prophet"and gets for it m ore than people [anybody else] would [pay for it]. He said [thought],"Oh, by Allah !!! There is a great clothes store; I'll go and have seven or eight suits tailored for me and give them [pay the shopkeepers] a thousand prayers upon the prophet and let us go..." He went [there], had the suits tailored and everything. Hesaid, "How I am pleased with everything in this country; so it is necessary that I must get` married." He befriended two or three persons from that country and said to them, "I want to marr y from here." They said to him, "All right. We will find you alegitimate [an idiom meaning 'good'] one to marry." He said, "Oh, no !! That is not acceptable; I must marry the governor's daughter." They said to him, "No, you are not an equal of the governo r's daughter, because.... . Why don't you marry one of yourown equals, and live with her....?'" He said to them, "No..." They said to him, "This daughter of the governor...if you married her they stipulate some terms; would you accept?" He said to them, " There is no obstacle; all that [what it is going to come to] is a very simple matter, since it is of going to come to paying [real money]."He went to propose to that governor of the country, and said to him," I am askingyou the closeness from your d aughter." [The idiom, "I am asking the closeness fromyou "means marriage proposal; to be close to the father or the family by marriage from them] He [the governor] had three daughters; he [the poor man] chose the youngest girl [though this is against trad itions]. They said to him, "We have terms. If you keptthem, we will marry the girl off to you." He said to them, "All right." So ...They said to him, "Don't intrude in what does not concern yon. All that you see [orwill see] don't talk about; if you ta lked, this will be no good. These are our terms," Hesaid to them, "All right."He got married, and they lived happily, and everything. He stayed in their housefor a week; he got bored. He said, "I want to promenade a little ... in the garden." They said to him, "All right; There is no objection." While he was walking around in thegarden, there was something like, you may say, watermelon, a lot of it, in the garden. There were people cutting [harvesting] that watermelon. A watermelon that big [very big] they would cut it and throw it away; a watermelon so small they would [still] cut itoff and throw it away, or a medium one they would [still] cut it off and throw it away. The [poor] man did not like that. He said [to himself], "What is this? Those crazy peopledShouldn't they cut off the big watermelon which could be sold, and leave these small ones till they are full -grown?" That was it; of course, you know that news travels. Theysaid to him, "Our daughter is divorced from you." He said "Never min d; the next timeI will not interfere, and that was the last time and, " So they said, "All right." Now, she is divorced one time and has only two times left.Still his mind does not want to settle down. He [the man] wants to go out again. Hesaid, "I ... I will walk [promenade] in another road." He found- , you know the"shadouf "? [I answered, "Yes."] --somebody filling water with a `shadouf' water ... half atin, he would pour it away; a full tin [still] he would pour it away; full!: he pours it away; one quarter [still] he would pour it away. He said to him, "You, uncle, what is this !?You have to either fill all the tin or not at.all. What is. this? Empty, and you pour it away !! Full, and you still pour it away; half, you pour away; quarter; you pour aw ay !!lWhat is this -!?It Still he interfered in what does not concern him. They said to him,"You, you are hopeless. Our daughter is divorced from you." And things of the sort [they said to him]. He said to them, "Forgive me. This time is forgiveness and n exttime, I will not do that again." He stayed! still. It [his old condition] came back cameback to him [i.e., he had another attack]; for the third time he wants to go out. He does notwait to be patient. He said, I am not going to walk on these roads-- I am going to walkalong the Nile -Is Bank, far away." He walked along the Nile; he saw a very beautifulNile houseboat with lights, glimmering and it was very colorful. It pleased him; he kept on watching it. He saw people pulling it with ropes. Peopl e on this side are palling it,and [at the same time] people in the opposite direction are pulling it while the ship does not want to move at all. He said," "What are these!?" Sweat is pouring from their bodies, and their condition is verb; hard. It was ve ry hard on him; he wants to talk. Hesaid, "You, father, what is this?! You all have to come to one side and pull it. Since you are pulling this way and they are pulling that way there: will be no use."They said to him, "There is no hope [for you]. Our daughter is divorced from youby the three times.. Now you take your clothes and leave this country. Now she has no return [she could not legally be married to him anymore since they were divorced three times.]" He said to them, "There is no objection, but before I leave this country,you must tell me the reasons." They said to him, "There is no objection." They said to him, "The garden ... that plant you saw the watermelon ... that is lives. God, glory and pride are his, takes away the life of a very old p erson and takes away [the life] of a veryyoung person, and so on. So that was the angel of lives [death]." He said to them, All right. What was that `shadouf' ?" Theysaid to him, "That is livelihood; God gives some people by the overflow [abundance];other people nothing at all; others get some, and others get a little"t He said to them, "All right. Now what about the Nile houseboat." They said to him, "That is the world [life in general]. Look, this one pulling it. Every person toils, labors, becomes unhappywhile the Nile houseboat ... the world ... is staying the way it is and lighting.Tuta tuta. The story is over. Now this is something like life." The Man, His Son, and the Donkey The man, his son, and the donkey. Once there was a man; he had a son and a donkey. They went walking, the donkey in front of them. The man was riding the donkey and the son was walking. People passed them and said, “Shame, shame on this man. He rides while his son walks.” So the man got off, and he put his son on the donkey. They went walking again. People passed and said, “Shame, shame on this son. He rides while his father walks.” So both of them got off, and they walked together beside the donkey. They went walking, and people saw them and said, “What fools! They have a donkey and they don’t ride it.” So both of them mounted the donkey together. People passed them and said, “Shame on them! Two riding on one weak donkey.” So both of them got down again. Then they tied the donkey’s legs, and they put a pole through the donkey’s legs, and they carried it on their shoulders. People passed and said, “Look at these fools! They are carrying a donkey!” The donkey kicked and broke free and ran away. So in the end the man and his son lost the donkey completely. The King and His Vizier in the Market The king and his vizier once disguised themselves and went into the market to see the people. They walked and saw many things. They saw a blind man selling things in the market. The king said to him, “How do you sell when you cannot see?”The blind man answered: “My Lord, I trust in God. If a good man comes, he gives me the right money. If a bad man comes, God sees him.”The king said to the vizier: “See, this blind man has more faith than we.” They went farther and saw a man beating a bitch. The vizier asked, “Why do you beat it so?”The man answered: “This bitch is treacherous. She ate her own pups.”The king said: “She is like those who eat their own children through injustice.” Then they saw a tailor. He had gone up the minaret to mend something, but he slipped and fell down.The king said: “See, the man went up to do one thing, but death came to him from another place.” 10 Short stories from Ejypt The King and His Cousin-Wife There was a king. He married his cousin. She was beautiful, but she had no child. He waited many years, and still she had no child. So he took another wife. The cousin-wife became jealous. When the new wife gave birth to a son, the cousin-wife plotted against her. She told the king: “This woman is no good. She is unfaithful.” The king believed her. He ordered that the new wife and her child be taken away. They left the palace. But God protected the wife and the child. The boy grew and became wise. One day he returned and told the truth. The king learned that the cousin-wife had lied. He punished her and restored his true wife and son. Your Tongue is Your Horse They say: “Your tongue is your horse. If you protect it, it will protect you. If you betray it, it will betray you.” A man once spoke badly of the sultan. His words reached the sultan’s ears, and he was punished. Another man spoke well and was rewarded. So they say: “Guard your tongue, for it is the horse you ride.” The Legitimate Can See It A woman was pregnant. Her husband doubted her. He said: “This child is not mine.” She said: “Wait until the child is born. The legitimate one can see it.” When the child was born, he resembled his father exactly. People said: “The legitimate can see it.” Meaning, the truth will show itself. The Flying Air There was a man who married a woman. She became sick. She said: “Bring me the flying air, and I will be cured.” He did not know what it was. He asked here and there. Some said: “The flying air is honey.” Others said: “It is incense.” Others said: “It is medicine.” He tried all, but she did not get well. At last someone said: “The flying air is nothing but death.” Soon she died. The Fisherman and the Fish A fisherman went to the sea. He cast his net. He caught a fish that spoke. The fish said: “Let me go, and I will make you rich.” The fisherman let it go. When he went home, he found food and money. Every day the fish gave him more. But one day his wife said: “Kill the fish, so we can eat it.” He did. And from that day, all the wealth disappeared. The Wife, Her Husband, and the Two Geese A man bought two geese. He gave them to his wife. He said: “Cook one today and save one for tomorrow.” She cooked both. When he came home, she served him. He said: “Where is the other goose?” She said: “It flew away.” He said: “Cooked geese do not fly!” She said: “Yes, they fly.” And she argued so much that in the end he laughed and forgave her. The King’s Scholar A king had a scholar. The scholar was faithful and wise. One day the king tested him. He said: “If you tell the truth, I will kill you. If you lie, I will kill you.” The scholar thought and then said: “You will kill me.” The king was caught. If he killed him, the scholar had told the truth. If he spared him, then he lied. The king laughed and let him live. The Cemetery-Keeper and His Daughter A cemetery-keeper had a daughter. She was very beautiful. Men desired her. But the father was poor. One day a prince passed and saw her. He wanted her. He married her and took her to his palace. People said: “Even the daughter of a cemetery-keeper may rise to be a queen.” The Sick Woman, Her Daughter, and the Doctor A woman was sick. She called the doctor. The doctor came and said: “You must eat meat.” Her daughter said: “Doctor, will chicken do?” He said: “Yes, chicken will do.” She said: “And fish?” He said: “Yes, fish will do.” She went on asking, until he became angry. He said: “Woman, if you will not give her meat, then give her my flesh!” The Telegram A man received a telegram. It said: “Your mother died. Come quickly.” He read it and said: “Send back the reply: Bury her.”